[

Current Mood

|

stressed

]

Today, I learnt that when you're tired, your friends and their jokes and laughter is what makes you smile and keeps you going,
Today, I learnt that as long as you think you can do something, you are alert enough to do it.
Today, I learnt that Singapore's inflation rate is well-handled by the government as they are able to weigh the pros and cons of various policies well.
Today, I learnt that studying feels great when you get things right.
Today, I learnt that I am one shithead careless girl.
Today, I learnt that I must open my eyes really wide and not to implusively answer the questions without reading it properly.
Today, I learnt that chemistry is very tricky
Today, I learnt that i have low tolerance for people who are impolite and impatient.
Today, I learnt that Annabel is very sentimental about her MF15 formula list.


Today, I learnt that I have to keep going.

So many things have happened lately, mostly bad, but i promised that i would be strong and i will.
Its tiring, this competitive world and i know this is not what i want in life, my friends know I'm simple, not ambitious.
I'd be happy living the simple life in the country.
But what to do? I've already gone so far, i might at well not waste the tears and the efforts.
Seriously, personal achievements don't make me feel euphoric,i felt...relieved. Relieved that i could survive society's standards so far.
But I'm tired, anyone would be if they were doing something they weren't happy about.
No one forced me to study, i had too simply cause its a means for survival. But i didn't enjoyed it. No, wait, studying was okay, it was even interesting sometimes, but the stress, the exams, the disappointment when you not only failed to meet your family's and teachers expectations but also yourself, its too draining..
And i think we all studied, although of course some may put in more efforts than the rest. I admit my bio and econs dropped,but that was because i chose to work on my math and chem as they were really weak. and still my math and chem was the same. Why, when i could do so well for paper 1 during chem tuition, when i could answer most of the math questions my cousin asked me to solve, i couldn't do the same for my own exam script?
Its not me to cry over lousy results, the only time i cried over results was back in sec 2, when i failed D&T and who the hell cries over D&T? I cried not because of the failure but because i feared my parent's reactions. And i realised most of the time i cried because of other people''s reactions toward something i did. And i hated that about myself, that i could not, cry for myself.
But this year its different, because i really felt the need to survive this. And, even more so, when GP teacher talked to us today.
So tonight, i cried for myself (: